The Art of Knowing When To Drop It
Over the years, I have found one of the most necessary + difficult parts of motherhood is learning the art of when to drop it. What do I mean by that? Last year, I came across a quote that said "I don't have time to be much more than a wife and a mother.” Like a rushing wind of relief, I felt the pressures of life (many self-inflicted) melt away. Is it okay to say that? Is it okay to believe that my being a wife to my entrepreneur-husband and mom to my three toddlers is enough to have on my plate? “YES!” my soul bellowed. That quote was one of many levers catapulting me into learning the art of when to drop it. In many ways, it became the filter through which I made all decisions. “Will saying ‘yes’ to this new commitment mean saying ‘no’ to being the wife and mom my family needs me to be in this season?”
Just pull out the chopping block why don’t ya?!
Moms can often greatly undervalue ourselves, our contribution, our mental load. We can overlook just how much it takes (ahem, it takes everything) to raise children in the skill of becoming human. We undervalue the mental load of planning, prepping, organizing, researching and playing. We think our 45 minute phone calls with our spouse seeking advice are just par for the course. We think deciding which medicines to give our kids are just a no-brainer. We think understanding and teaching our kids nutrition and cooking and morals and math are just…easy!
Okay no we don’t really think that. When you write it all down, it’s a shock to realize we do just about everything a person can do (and we can do all of that without stepping foot outside our front door)! Yet we feel bad when we aren’t doing more! A few weeks ago, my friend texted me saying she feels guilty she’s not leading worship at her church. She did this for many years prior to kids, but now she has TWO toddlers…and she feels guilty! This plague of guilt we feel for not doing more…I am not sure where it comes from…but I am certain it’s not coming from God. As I read her text, I heard that quick small voice whisper, “She is a worship leader. She leads a triumphant procession of her small children into my presence every day.” WHAT A WORD FOR US, MAMA!
Whatever is stealing your peace and keeping you from being the most present mother and wife you can be—pray and ask God to show you what to drop. Sometimes, you don’t even have to ask Him because the answers are so obvious (like maybe just maybe putting your phone down). Other times, there may be financial ramifications involved (like going part-time or quitting) and you need to pray with your spouse about that. If playdates, fancy meals, or scrolling are stealing from your main calling—drop it, sista!
In the seasons of newborns, toddlers, and business, I often pray Psalm 90:12: ‘Teach me to realize the brevity of life, so I may grow in wisdom.’ This prayer invites the Holy Spirit to reveal which burdens to release and which responsibilities to embrace more fully.
Happy chopping and dropping, my friend…and cheers to a lighter load on your mothering journey!
-From Another Mother, Lex